every day YOU save my life

Today is my anniversary. Every year at this time I take off work, turn off my cell, try not to check my email, and try to remember to say thank you for what happened seven years ago....

You see, I grew up in a Christian home and from the time I was a child I never remember not believing in God. Eventually I surrendered my life to Him, and then in 1998, at one of the hardest times in my life, I fell head over heels in love with Him. Then one day, several years later, as I drove down the interstate, I was suddenly overtaken with this paralyzing realization that I didn't know if God was really God anymore. I can honestly say I'd never doubted Him before, not even in the slightest b/c He'd been the only thing I'd even known for sure- why now? And what scared me even more, was that I knew that if He wasn't God, if it was all a lie, then there was no other Savior.

Nearly a month later, I lost all will to live. And it just happened to be at a church camp of all things. I wandered into the girls bathroom at 3am in the morning, with everyone else sound asleep. With hundreds of girls I was bound to find a razor, or pain medicine, or something. But the only thing that lay on the counter shared by nearly two hundred college-aged girls was a single bottle of shampoo. My eyes raised to the mirror- but it was one large piece, extending to both sides of the room. No glass, no razors, no pills, nothing… I couldn't believe it. I stormed out of that bathroom begging God for a car to come around the corner and hit me. And when it didn't I cursed Him...

I walked out to the lake and stood under the pine trees with my fist raised to the sky, and I raged against Him, cursing the very One I wasn't even sure was there. As I stood there getting ready to walk into the lake, the wind suddenly tore through the pine trees. It rushed hard against me, literally pushing me away from the lake. As the wind pushed against me and leaves flew around me I suddenly felt arms wrapped around me. I knew at that moment, more than I knew anything, that God was fighting for me. And for the first time in my life, I saw Him as my warrior. To this day every time I feel the wind rush against me, I can't help but close my eyes and think "Yes, You are here aren't You?...." And I can almost feel His arms wrapped around me again.

As I stood under the stars next to another lake tonight, I was overcome with tears of amazement that I'm alive and that I have been given another chance at this life. And as I stood there I realized I wanted to share my story with you all. Because I'm here to share it. I'm here....

Lord, every day, You save my life.

"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done..."

-Psalm 40